Twenty reasons why I love you
by Blue Daisiess
Summary: One day Magnus finds a pile of letters written by Alec. His beloved explains in them what does he love him for.
1. Prologue

**Hello! **

**I was getting ready to write this one for a long time and I wrote prologue eventually. **

**I'm not English native speaker and also this is my first fanfiction in English ever, so I am very sorry for any mistakes or... not understanding a single word of this xD**

**Enjoy!**

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**Prologue**

Magnus was trying not to make any noise while walking through the hall. It was very early in the morning and he was absolutely exhausted after a long night. He throw his jacket somewhere on the floor which was very rare to be seen since he treated his clothes as his best friends. Tonight he just didn't really care, he wanted only to sleep and wait till strong arms of his beloved Alexander wrap around his body.

He came into the bedroom. First thing he saw was incredible mess. Colorful trousers and T-shirts were pouring out of the closet and - even for his extravagant taste - they were not a good carpet. He sighted heavily. He was tired but he thought that Alec will be mad because of this state of affairs when he comes back, so Magnus decided not to piss off his boyfriend, who was lately very nervous because of some reasons - that Magnus didn't know exactly but knew it had something in common with Alec's work – and he made a decision to tidy a little bit.

He gathered the closest shirts into a big pile and approached to the closet with it in his hands. He throw all of the clothes inside and clapped his hands extremely proud of himself. Bane crammed a few other things and his work was done.

Then he saw something in the shadow of a wall. He recognized a shape of a little shoe box which confused him a bit because the shoes had to be in a really small size and for sure didn't belong to him. Also it couldn't be Alec's since his feet and other things - which Magnus shouldn't think about right now – were big. It probably wasn't anything important and it probably was lying there for ages, Magnus just didn't pay attention earlier, but for some reason he wanted to know what's in there very badly.

He sat on the floor and was hesitating for another while. Then he took the box in his hands and looked at it from all sides. It was a little boy's shoe box, nothing special. The took the cover off.

Magnus frowned his eyebrows. He reached into the box and took out its contents.

These were a couple of envelopes tied with twine. He had no idea what were they or why didn't Alexander tell him about them. Who were they from? Or maybe who were they for?

One short moment was enough for him to feel anger. Alec was keeping secrets from him.

Magnus ripped the twine aggressively. Some other time he would simply wait till Alec's back home and ask if they can talk about it but not today, not after so exhausting night he spent on doing magic.

He took first letter and opened an envelope.

_Dear Magnus_, he read and froze just after. Why, for the Angel's sake (he took the habit of calling Angel's name from his boyfriend) he was addressee of this letter? How fucking long have they been living together? Four years? He was confused but made a decision to read the rest of letter and get to know what was this odd situation about.

_Dear Magnus,_

_ If you read this it means I really was too naive thinking that you wouldn't find something hidden so badly__ someday_. Maybe I didn't really want to hide these letters. You know me so well, so you surely know that I don't always know what I am doing. I think this is one of those things. 

_ Yes, let's put it in this way. I wrote these letters but I was too shy to give it to you myself. Even if I am so happy with you and I love you so much, and we've known each other for so long now… I am still too awkward being person to give you those. You can laugh now, I am impossible, I know._

_ You surely are wondering what is it all about. Well, I don't know when exactly I got the idea like that. I only know what my purpose was. I always wanted you to know how much you mean to me. I guess, you know this well by the way I look at you, but I am still not happy enough with the fact I can't put it in the words myself. _

_ Obviously, the words. I've never been good at expressing my thoughts so I could never __recite you a poem about love or, by the Angel, at least say "I love you so very much and I'm losing control when I'm with you" – which is truth. And I know that you deserve someone better, someone who would be able to charm you with beautiful sentences, because I know how much you love words. But since I can't let myself to ever lose you and because of the fact you love me – you just have to deal with all my dumbness and take me with all of my flaws. _

_ And these letters… They are something special. They've been written from the depth of my soul. And every single one is about you. _

_ Magnus, in these letters I want to tell you, why do I love you so. _

_Forever yours,_

_ Alec_

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**What do you think?  
**

**Did you like it, did you hate it?**

**Share your opinion with me in reviews, if you want to!  
**

**~~Blue Daisess**


	2. Your eyes

**Hello, lovelies! **

**Thank you very much for your comments, follows and favorites! You have no idea how much they mean to me :)**

**kokosz: Dobrze znów widzieć twój nick i twoje epickie komentarze! :) Niestety, po polsku nie będzie się to opowiadanie pojawiać na bieżąco, dopiero na koniec przetłumaczę wszystko na nasz język ojczysty. Z poczatku chciałam prowadzić opowiadnie w dwóch językach i nawet opublikowałam prolog w polskiej wersji, ale potem sobie uświadomiłam, że zbliżają mi się egzaminy i bierzmowanie, więc nie mam pojęcia jak ja miałabym to wszystko pogodzić. Musiałam zdecydować się na jedną rzecz, więc wybrałam pisanie po angielsku bo: a)stwierdziłam, że większość dobrze radzi sobie z angielskim, a już na pewno z moim nieidealnym angielskim, b) poćwiczę sobie trochę przed egzaminami i konkursem, c) łatwiej będzie mi tłumaczyć z angielskiego na polski niż na odwrót. Mimo wszystko mam nadzieję, że i tak będziesz śledzić to opowiadanie! Buźki;***

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**I don't own characters, Cassandra Clare does.**

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**One: Your eyes**

Magnus stayed frozen for a while, unsure what should his reaction be. He read the letter again and again, and again but his mind was still empty. It hasn't been happening very often: Magnus not knowing what to do or not being able to even think. But for some reason when it actually was happening it was always because of Alec. Boy made him being unsure and confused, probably because Alec was one of the kind.

Magnus has met so many people on the road of his life but no one has made as amazing impression on him as Alec has. He was straightforward, honest and self-conscious in that sweet boyish way. Alec was also brave - too rapid sometimes - and smart, much smarter than many people though. People who didn't know him… Magnus considered that they lost a lot by not making effort to make friends with Alec. _When you get close to him, you will never regret._

Magnus was prisoner of his love and he was proud of it. Of that he really found someone he could sacrifice everything for, and who would do the same for him.

Thinking about all of this, he decided to open another letter. He was nervous when his fingers were slowly tearing envelope. He pulled the card of thin paper out and saw crooked handwriting of Alec's. Magnus couldn't help but smile when he smelled sandalwood and nuts. Alec really perfumed the letter! Unbelievably cute.

He started reading.

_Dear Magnus,_

_ The day I am writing this letter is June 25__th __2017. I was wondering for a long time, what would be the best beginning and as always you were the one who gave me answer I needed._

_ Your eyes._

_ Your beautiful green-gold cat eyes. _

_ Which are always watching me. I realized that this morning. We ate breakfast and I stood up to go and wash the dishes and your eyes were always where I was. I moved left, they moved left. I crouched, they followed me down. I turned around to face you and your eyes were shining with this incredible light that immediately makes me wanna cry of happiness. _

_ I think, they were first thing I fell for. Or the first thing I actually allowed myself to fall for. Eyes, just eyes – that's what I thought back then. It's not dangerous to fall for his eyes; it doesn't mean you love him just because you love his eyes. _

_Wrong. It was dangerous. They consumed me, they made me crazy, they were everything I was dreaming about at night. They still do those things to me. But now, there is no fear in me. I wanna scream to the world how much I love you and every part of your body, soul and mind. _

_I was too scared to admit that I have feelings for you, but I was never scared of confirming my love for these amazing eyes. _

_I know that you don't like them this much. You think they are disgusting, that they are the devil's sings. It's not true._

_I remember the situation that happened two years ago. We had a fight and you left house, slamming doors. I don't want to remember what was the fight about, it's not important right now. Important thing is that I was unbelievably mad at you but after a little while my heart started missing you and I felt sorry. _

_It was raining that day. I ran out of the apartment and then I was running through the whole city, looking for you. There is that weird connection between us – you had to notice –and somehow I knew exactly where to go. I knew where to find you. _

_There was that pub we went to for one of our dates. And the dark alley behind the building where we had almost done… things. The alley was still dark, the smell was still horrible and there was still that bizarre hint of excitement when I got there. _

_I heard crying. Then things went very quickly. I found you punching the brick wall. You were screaming some strange words, in Indonesian probably. My heart jumped into the throat. I ran to you and started stopping you from hurting yourself. You looked like a scared child. _

"_I'm sorry. I am so sorry," I was repeating but you didn't seem to listen._

"_It won't work out," I remember you saying._

"_What?"_

"_It's all because of that!," you wailed and pointed at you face, at your teary eyes."I am bad, my eyes belong to bad creatures, I am one of the bad ones," you lamented without any sense. _

_I kissed you, do you remember? _

_I hope you understood what was the meaning of that kiss. That was my promise to never hurt again, to never break your heart, to take care of you. _

_Your eyes are Yours. They don't belong to devil, also not to your father, they are not the eyes of the demon, or of the monster. No. They belong to the bravest, the smartest, the most amazing man on the Earth. My dearest, there is no reason to hate them. I love them as the part of you, so please, love them too._

_I started thinking and I realized that every memory of us that I have, includes you looking at me in that special way. I always see love in your gaze. And I can only hope you see the same in mine. _

_ Now I should admit something. Did you know that I am late for my work regularly? Do you know why? Because when I wake up you're usually still asleep. And I believe that not seeing your eyes in the morning means a bad luck for all day. Also I don't want to wake you up. So I lie in bed till you open your eyes and that sleepy green-gold lakes say "good morning" to me. And do you know what? It works. Every day is a good day. And every day will be a good day as long as I can stay by your side and look at you._

_ I love you._

_ I love you._

_ I love you._

_ Just never forget. Every time you don't feel well, every time you think your eyes are rubbish – think of me. Think of my adoration for you. There is someone who thinks you are perfect – that someone is me. _

_ If I can ask you for anything, I want you to never stop looking at me. Never turn your eyes away from me and let me look in them too. So I can see how they are changing when you're sad, happy or angry. So I can see that funny little spark, the darkness, the tears – everything. _

_ Maybe it's stupid to write the whole letter just about your eyes, but that's who I am – stupid and weird, but it doesn't matter as long as I know that when you're reading these words there's a huge smile on your face. I wish I could see the brightness in those eyes right now._

_ That's it. Your eyes – first of many things that I love you for._

_Forever yours,_

_ Alec_

Magnus gave another look at the card of paper. It was creased now.

Magnus remembered every moment that Alec described. He remembered the fight, especially. That was the last argue they had and it was long time ago. Ever since they were obscenely happy and Alec was fulfilling his promise perfectly. Magnus has never felt that safe.

And when he got to the end of the letter, he really was smiling from ear to ear.

Because of that, he reached for the next envelope.

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**What do you think?**

**Review if you want to!**

**See you next time.**

**With love, **

**Blue Daisess. **


	3. Your mouth

**Hello, beauties! **

**Dear Lord, you are amazing! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. You give me so much love and support, I wanna cry right now!I will never be able to be grateful enough for all sweet reviews!**

**Now, the second letter! Sorry, I really wanted to update sooner, but I couldn't find time earlier.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Two: Your mouth**

_Dear Magnus,_

_How are you? After reading my last letter? I'd love to know if you smiled or laughed, or maybe you thought I'm a weirdo. But I'd like to think that you smiled, because the most important mission of my life is to make you happy. _

Magnus stopped reading for a moment to feast his eyes on lopsided letters, that Alec wrote. He brought the card up to his face and sniffed beautiful sandalwood's smell. Then he clutched the letter to his chest and hold it there, right next to the pounding heart, like it was the most precious thing he has ever had. And it was, indeed.

_This letter is about how I love your mouth. And no, it's not going to be sexual as it probably has just come to your mind. Not, that I don't appreciate very much what you… Never mind. _

_ When I had my first chance to look closely to you, my gaze went right to your lips. I swear on Angel that I couldn't help but think how good at kissing they must be, even if I had absolutely no experience or at least the slightest idea of kissing. So for a moment I felt like a ten years old girl that watched too many romantic comedies. That wasn't wrong feeling at all, to be honest. _

_ Back then I rarely allowed myself to think about attractive parts of other people, because I felt extremely uncomfortable with my sexuality. I thought that maybe if I don't look at anyone with attention, that 'gay thing' will go with the wind. And for a long time it really worked, I started even ignore my infatuation of Jace (that turned out not to be real in the end). But then you showed up on the stage and all I worked on was ruined. Your beauty destroyed all my illusions. _

_ The day we met on your party was also the day my indestructible walls started to leak. And in a few next days I was a sinking ship, sinking because of the view of your perfectly pink, full lips, because of the thoughts of what I could do with you and because of that I wasn't ashamed of that at all. _

_ The moment when your lips touched mine is very clear in my memory. I remember exactly how fast my heart was beating or how violently all my desire was released. Your lips were soft and gentle and they tasted like strawberries. They always do, even when I'm sure you're not wearing any lipstick. How do you do this?_

_ My love started in your eyes, but my desire started in your lips. And ever since, that feeling, that thought how desperately I want you and need you is my good known friend. _

_ I can't not to write about the tiniest things that make me the most lucky man in entire universe. You can't imagine how sweet you look when you beat your lips, always when you're frustrated after a long day of paper work. The way you lick your chapped lips a few times a day makes me shiver. That delicate tremor when our kisses get intense… Also, I can't not to mention how sexy you look while you're putting your lipstick on. You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?_

Magnus laughed. He was doing this on purpose, indeed. He loved to see this amazed look on his boyfriend's face, how he was almost drooling. He felt like someone special then. He knew that he is someone special in Alec's heart, but he hasn't really thought so about himself. Except for those times when Alec was staring at him like he was the only one in this huge, beautiful world.

_And in the end, there is your smile. _

_ There is no word on the Earth that could fully capture its glamour. And for sure I am not the one that would be able to capture it properly. All I can say is when you're smiling the whole world disappears. There are only you and me, and it's the only right way to be. I am not a hero of the books you love, I am just me, but when you stand by my side and your smile is addressed to me, I could even be a Superman. But only for you. _

_So ask me for anything you want, because I will do everything just to keep the smile on your face. As long as I can watch it, I am fine. _

_I need it more that air, because without air my body will die, but without your mouth, your lips and smiles my soul will die. _

_Keep my words near to heart. I love you._

_Forever yours,_

_Alec_

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**How did you like it?**

**Share your opinion with me in the reviews, if you want!**

**See you next time!**

**~~Blue Daisiess**


	4. Your hands

**Hello, sweeties!  
**

**Thank you all for commenting! I'm really flattered and glad you like the fanfiction :) Hope I won't disappoint you! **

**kokosz: Jej, byłoby świetnie z tobą nawiązać jakiś kontakt, bo faktycznie jest drobnym utrudnieniem to, że nie masz tu konta. Niestety, adres twojego tumblr'a się mi nie ukazał, chyba że faktycznie istnieje konto takie jak *pustka*.tumblr... Dodam na swoim profilu link do mojego tumblr'a, więc pisz śmiało o każdej porze dnia i nocy :D **

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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**Three: Your hands**

_Dear Magnus,_

_I'm writing this just after getting up out of the bed. You're still asleep and I can see your chest rising and falling, and hear quiet purr which comes out from your throat every night. I don't know how are you doing this. Even the tiniest things seem to be so perfect. This purr, for example, is the best lullaby I could wish for, hearing it is making me happy and safe, no matter if my day was good or not. It just always helps me get through the night calmly. _

_ But it's not what I want to tell you about in this letter._

_ Yesterday was our anniversary. I sometimes can't believe that you have stood me for such a long time. It might not be so many years for you but for mortal it's nothing but a bliss to be with beloved person for so long. And you are the first and the only love of my life, so I'm very lucky. _

_ I'm still shaking on the thought of the previous evening. Magic hands is a very accurate word to describe you. _

_ I love your hands. _

_ The touch._

_ The warmth of skin._

_ The shivers they give me._

_ Chills are running from my toes to the top of head and I don't feel guilty because of thinking about gentle moves your hands were making on my body yesterday._

_ It's getting a little bit intimate, isn't it?_

_ I realized that I can't just ignore this part of our life, the part filled with ecstasy, passion and desire. I'm not going to write the gay version of those dirty novels you've been reading with a strange smirk lately. Don't count on that. _

_ The thing is, I always feel your hands on me. Even when you're far away, even if we don't have opportunity to talk for days, even when I feel down, there is always your touch on me. _

_ It started with holding hands. I was surprised how perfectly my hand matched to yours. Like they were two pieces of the same whole. I found pleasure in rubbing my thumb against yours. I think, you might had been tired of me grabbing your palm all the time just to play with it… well, kind of. Even if you had, you never showed it, you always allowed me to do what I wanted. You were giving all yourself to me, starting with hands. _

Magnus didn't notice that he started stroking his own palm. It just felt so much like Alec. Magnus agreed in his mind that Alexander had always been doing that. But he couldn't say that he was irritated by this action. He love that. He loved tingling feeling that was running through his spine when Alec was doing that.

With each letter his heart was becoming more and more gleeful. The warmth was flooding his body and he came back to reading quickly, thinking about what will he read in next seconds.

_Then there was more sensual touch. The one, that only people who are becoming really close, could feel. _

_ I remember that you made me almost pass out by putting your hand in my hair. You knew exactly - even if I hadn't known that myself ye t - what to do to make me want to dissolve like chocolate in your arms. _

_ You just can't stop yourself from doing that. You always have to tempt me by that kind of gestures. You were yanking my hair gently, touching delicate skin of my neck and making me think of very inappropriate things. You were pushing me mildly but never forcing. And that made your hands being so right and so desirable on my body. _

_ And then we come to the final expression. _

Magnus gasped, trying to stifle growing excitement. He loved the direction this letter was going to. Subtle words of Alec's had nothing in common with kinkiness or dirt. It was just all so Alec, modest and simple, but also beautiful in its simplicity. Magnus had an impression that Alec sits next to him, looking shyly as he was used to while declaring that he wanted him.

_Your were running your hands over my body, exploring every part of it. You touched places no one had before. There was no more anxiety in me when you clasped our hands together._

_ "Don't let go of my hand" , I whispered with my face hidden in the crook of your neck._

_ You looked up at me like I was being absolutely idiotic, you pulled me closer and you grabbed my head with your free hand and told me with power, "Never. I will never let go of your hand." _

_ You've kept the promise. You haven't taken it away, even when I was squeezing it so tightly it surely hurt, or when I was digging my nails into your skin. _

_ There is nothing I am more sure about than that I will always find your hand in my own._

_ Again, I love you. _

_ Your hands are the third reason of many others, answering the question: why? _

_Forever yours,_

_ Alec_

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**What do you think?  
**

**Review, if you want to.**

**Till the next time!**

**~~Blue Daisiess**


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